Kirkus Review
The multifaceted memoir of a 20-something gay Filipino American male's conflicted relationship with affluent white America. Catapult managing editor Ortile combines traditional anecdote with quasi-academic cultural critique and an investigation of sexual and racial identity politics. The author's family immigrated to America when he was 12, and he was taught from a young age that his Asian identity had to be played down to access all the trappings of white American society. At least on a superficial level, this approach got results. Ortile studied hard (lots of Barthes) and was admitted to the Vassar College, a school he romanticizes--but also criticizes--for its reputation as a bastion of white privilege and a direct pipeline to a prestigious career in the liberal arts. At the same time, he constantly wondered if he had lost his real self and his Filipino identity by playing such an assimilationist role. Regarding sexual identity, he has always been more sure of himself, as evidenced by his recounting of his sexual escapades in New York City as a young, exoticized Filipino man. "I inhabit a fetishized body," he writes, "one marked as other, even by men who desire it." While working as a magazine intern, he was also constantly trawling for wealthy men on Grindr. Ortile's fascination with Barthes leads him on extended musings about not only Western marriage myths, but also the fallacy of American masculinity as expressed through men's underwear ads. Looking back on his experiences, he writes, "I took up the role of a Filipino Carrie Bradshaw who read Barthes and trolled Grindr." This is revelatory stuff, of course, for a self-analytical youngster still learning the ropes in the big city. More affecting, however, are Ortile's partially successful attempts to come to terms with his own "Filipinoness" and finally reconcile his Asian identity with the nascent American in him. An intellectually ambitious, politically engaged, ideologically sensitive memoir. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Library Journal Review
Ortile (managing editor, Catapult magazine; founding editor, BuzzFeed Philippines) makes his debut with this rich collection of essays. Ortile emigrated from the Philippines to the United States at age 12, completing high school in Las Vegas and college at Vassar before moving to New York to work in media. In emotionally resonant and evocative prose, Ortile reflects on Philippine and Filipino history, his sexual experiences on Grindr and in gym steam rooms, and the lives of twenty-somethings trying to make their way in the big city. He analyzes the Asian model minority myth, online confessionals, colorism, the need to decolonize oneself, the buff and blinding whiteness of American masculinity, and the performance of gay masculinity and Americanness. Along the way, he touches on astrology and self-transformation, online communities past and present, the perils of running into exes at work parties, the racism lurking in liberal institutions, late-stage capitalism, cruising and consent, chosen families, and leaving and returning home. VERDICT Ortile's writing is insightful and honest, giving readers a window into a world with which they may not be familiar. Part cultural commentary, part self-examination, this candid account is highly recommended.--Monica Howell, Northwestern Health Sciences Univ. Lib., Bloomington, MN
